A few years ago (when we'd just learned kidlet #1 was on the way), E was headed off to Africa for a week for work, so I booked myself a little trip. I took an evening flight out with plans to wake up in the Netherlands. I deboarded the plane having not slept a wink, but I was ready to see Amsterdam, even on fumes. After a brief tussle with a strung out American as I exited the train station, I decided to just hoof it to the charming and quaintly sparse room I had booked in a canal house. It was ridiculously early in the morning, maybe 5:30 a.m. there so I counted on killing some time walking. Reading maps - not my favorite thing, so I just trudged off in the general direction I thought I needed to go. Bad idea. I had no idea you could select a nudey girl of your choice through a storefront window at 5:30 a.m., but apparently you can. And while you're making you're selection, you can peruse a mind-boggling array of toys, props, and sundry accoutrement, the likes of which I would have never imagine existed. Let alone existed in one-stop, for-your -convenience shopping. I was smack dab in the middle of the red light district, and for what it's worth, there were no red lights. A little flashing red warning light would have been most helpful. Not somewhere I meant or wanted to be walking alone, but the architecture is lovely, even in the seediest part of town, and if you're not interested in the 'ladies' or all the hardware and tools for sale, what else are you looking at?
I got good and lost. And I mean LOST. Of course I did make my way on eventually, after an uncomfortable hour and a half or so. By the time I made my way out, I think I knew some of those girls on a first name basis. And, by the time I had my bearings, I knew the layout well enough to be sure not to stumble through there again.
At the end of my trip - which was otherwise completely G-rated as far as I recall - E joined me for a couple of days. We were walking through the town center one morning and passed a "Sex Shop" in the row of touristy shops. There was a group of British tourists behind us and I could hear one couple in particular talking. This was what I overheard (think best Cockney accent):
Him: Come on, now!
Her: Oh, go on!
Him: Would you come on now and STOP OGLING THE BLOODY DILDOS!
Absolutely the highlight of my trip. Laughed so hard I cried.
5 comments:
Woo woo! Glad to see you made it out of there! I cannot imagine the bravery it took on your behalf to depart out alone into a new and strange world such as Amsterdam, especially under your 'delicate' circumstance of being pregnant as well!
If I remember right, you also did not notify your mother you were going on said trip!
You are a brave soul I greatly admire!
A :D
...but I would have told my mother...
A :D
What an adventure. Your description is hilarious and who knew there wouldn't be any red lights or warning lights around.
Good post! Funny and interesting all at once.
Yea-You should have told your mother. How did you know what a dildo was?
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