...that a certain 9 month old, who shall remain nameless, rudely poops in the bathtub. And let's also say that at the time of the incident, he is accompanied by a certain squeamish 3 year old and a 5 year old. Should one's response be:
a. Begin squealing at such a high pitch that neighborhood dogs begin to howl in despair. Scream repeatedly, "Poopy, poopy, POOOOOPYYYYY!!!!" while scrambling out of the bathtub, a look of utter disgust and horror on one's face. Stand there dripping with mouth agape while revolting event unfolds. Face registers distaste, but body is otherwise frozen in disbelief.
b. Act completely revolted, but laugh hysterically while perched on edge of bathtub, just out of reach of the now murky water. While giggling, shout "Gross ! Oohhhh that's disgusting! That's sooooo gross! Oh yuck! He's squishing it! OOOHHHH! Don't EAT it Finn!!!" Commit to tell every living, breathing human being you come into contact with over the next 72 hours every nasty little detail, and even embellish a bit to make the telling even more remarkably disgusting.
or...
c. Shuffle about in bewilderment. Helplessly grab a wet wipe as this may be the only weapon your poor, sleep-deprived brain can offer up to you as a possible solution to the current problem. Make mental note of the 68 bath toys you will need to soak in a Clorox bath when incident is somehow brought under control. Open tub drain and pray most 'bits' will clear the small drain openings. 'Bits' that don't clear are smeared about by the previously mentioned, useless wet wipe. Use the nearest vessel (the cat's water dish) to wash remaining debris down drain and refill bathtub in order to begin disinfecting the offending 9 month old. Grouchily try to coax the two remaining ship-jumpers (one is still giggling mercilessly, the other is still absolutely horrified) into the shower to begin their own disinfecting process.
In fact, all three responses happened simultaneously. I'll leave it to you to determine who was responsible for each reaction...
Disclaimer: The above photo was NOT taken at the time of the incident. The above photo is of a much happier and more sanitary bath shared at Grandma and Grandpa J's house.
2 comments:
Rub a dub dub. Cute photo. I dare suggest that every parent has had a poop in the tub encounter. My sister was so shocked by her first tubby disaster that apparently by the time she got the baby and tub under control she discovered, to her great horror that the dog ate the remaining "evidence". Yuck - gag me to the max!.
A LATE WARNING: Do not attempt to eat while reading this blog, for both the subject of discussion, and whatever you might be eating/drinking will be coming out your nose!
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